By Les Roberts
Updated Monday, 10th August 2009
Tony Pulis has made enquiries about buying Everton's James Vaughan. It's unclear whether he actually asked David Moyes straight: "Got any James Vaughan?"Not wanting to go down the Mark Hughes route of telling anyone that'll listen - especially when the club he's talking to won't listen - Tony Pulis cut to the chase when enquiring about James Vaughan and got straight on the blower to David Moyes:
Below is a transcript of the conversation that clearly never took place.
Tony Pulis (TP): "David? Tony Pulis here."
David Moyes (DM): "Hi Tony. What can I do you for?"
TP: "Is, uh,... Is that James Vaughan a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?"
DM: "I, uh, I beg your pardon?"
TP: "Your, uh, your young, injury prone striker, does he go, eh, does he go, eh?"
DM: "Well, he sometimes 'goes', yes."
TP: "Aaaaaaaah bet he does, I bet he does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?"
DM: (confused) "I'm afraid I don't quite follow you."
TP: "Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!"
DM: "Are you, uh,... are you selling something?"
TP: "SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!"
DM: "Well, I, uh...."
TP:"Is, your uh, is your boy a sport, ay?"
DM: "Um, he likes sport, yes!"
TP: "I bet he does, I bet he does!"
DM: "As a matter of fact he's very fond of football."
TP: "'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew he would. Likes games, eh?
He's been around a bit, been around?"
DM: "Actually no, he's spent his whole career at Everton. He has travelled a bit tho. We were in America just the other week."
TP: "SAY NO MORE!! America, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!"
DM: "I wasn't going to!"
The upshot of all that is that Stoke have offered Everton £2 million for James Vaughan, rising to £5 million based on appearances - so just the £2 million then - and Everton have said no.
Stay classy St Domingo....