...here comes the rumour mill (reprise)

Last updated : 24 January 2007 By Les Roberts
Real Zaragoza (that's za-ra-go-za not tha-ra-go-tha) are apparently all set to 'test Everton's resolve' with a six million pound bid for the best effin Spaniard we know, Mikel Arteta.

Why don't we just sell our whole midfield and start playing like the shite...HOOF!

No sooner has Simon Davies left the club than we're being linked with another Peterborough/Tottenham reject in Matthew Etherington.

But Keith Wyness has come out and said that we're not about to sign the West Ham winger and he has most definitely not had a medical with the club.

Manuel Fernandes still hasn't signed for us...rumours that the shite are hovering about in the shadows may have been completely made up by me!

We're looking at signing Leeds' striker David Healy for half a million pounds as Andy Johnson is going to be out for a few weeks with his knackered ankle.

Healy's a strange one as he always looks mustard when playing for Northern Ireland but absolute shite when he's in a Leeds shirt...but then doesn't everyone look shite in a Leeds shirt?!

And Man City are looking at signing Mido for three million pounds from Tottenham...nothing to do with us but three million seems a decent price for the Egytpian James Beattie and if we signed him we could have the most immobile front line since Middlesbrough played Hasselbaink and Viduka up front last season.

Oh yeah, and our striking options are even more limited now as James McFadden will be out for a while as he's broken his foot whilst playing head tennis!

I think that's a feat (or should I say feet? Guess not!) even Richard Wright wouldn't be able to match!

That's all for now so you can get some work done!