Paris and Jermaine

Last updated : 28 May 2010 By Les Roberts

If I was in any mood to repeat that I'd've called the article 'Everton close to signing Jermaine Beckford and are also keen on Hatem Ben Arfa from Marseille - oh and are also hoping to finalise a deal for Joao Silva.'

Not very catchy but would save you reading this drivel.

And here's another time saver for you, don't bother reading on if you've read the Daily Post today as there's nothing new here and I'm actually reading it whilst writing this.

You still with me?!

OK, then I'll begin...

Everton have offered Leeds' striker Jermaine Beckford a four-year-deal to sign on at Goodison and Ken Bates has given the striker permission to speak to our 'two-bob club'.

So that's one deal that should be finalised before the start of the World Cup and will, no doubt, piss Steven Pienaar's agent off even more!

Speaking of which, just who is that cat trying to kid saying that Everton are prioritising deals for other players over a new deal for Pienaar?

It's clear that Everton have offered Pienaar a new deal, giving him parity with the top earners - which he fully deserves - but both player and agent feel they can get better elsewhere, particularly if the South African has a good World Cup.

So let's just get it over and done with, either stay or go and make a decision as soon as possible so the whole thing doesn't drag on all summer and get all nasty like these things tend to!

Another player who could be stepping out at Goodison is Deportivo das Ave striker  - and possibly the most Portuguese sounding man on the planet - Joao Silva.

Everton were linked with the striker in January but it now looks like their about to step up their interest in the player and actually sign him.

Hopefully he won't stay true to form and be shite like every other Portuguese striker around!

And then there's Hatem Ben Arfa who we're interested in but there's no way we'll be signing.

See, bet you're sorry you stuck with it now!