Even though there was apparently football before 1992, since the Premier League era began Everton have found it difficult to get their hands on that elusive trophy, or even a Champions League place.
However, if they gave out silverware for having lots of cool and exciting players in the process, Everton would be rolling in it, and their Barclays journey has been anything but boring.
With such a rich variety of talented footballers passing through the gates at Goodison Park (usually before signing for Manchester United), wouldn't it be interesting to see what they looked like... combined?
90min have taken the bold and medically impossible step of piecing together Everton's best ever Premier League players to create the Toffees' ultimate footballer - and you can't argue with science!
Head: Duncan Ferguson
Fact: The big Scotsman put his name on so many footballs during the late 90s and early 2000s that 55% of Nike Merlins have 'Duncan Ferguson' printed across them.
Ok, perhaps not totally true, but you get the point - he scored a header on debut, scored the first ever hat-trick of headers in the Premier League, and his goal against Manchester United from, yes, a header, massively contributed to Everton's (sort-of) Champions League qualification.
Dunc didn't just specialise in pure brutality in the air, and the deftness of some of his close-range headers really elevates the form to an art.
Brain: Cahill
If we could give our perfect Everton player Cahill's head also, we probably would, but there's probably some sort of ethical guidance against that.
What's inside Cahill's head is just as valuable, however, as it made him such a difficult player for opposition defences to figure out.
Cahill was five inches shorter than Ferguson but was still a comparable aerial threat due to just how good he was at improvising in the box, and he always seemed to know exactly which of his extravagant range of finishes to whip out.
This same intelligence meant that the Socceroo appeared at a World Cup at the crazy age of 34, bagging one of the tournament's greatest-ever goals in the process, against the Netherlands.
Eyes: Arteta
While he only has eyes for Granit Xhaka and tweaking Arsenal's 4-2-3-1 these days, Arteta's vision during his playing days at Everton was immense, as he cemented himself as one of the Premier League's best midfielders.
Arteta in his advanced role at Goodison Park could find you from a set piece, a cutback or a simple through ball, and he was one of the main factors in how close David Moyes' boys frequently came to upsetting the 'Big Four' applecart.
Idle speculation, but could England have got their hands on some silverware if an incredibly pernickety FIFA judgment hadn't stopped him from playing for the Three Lions? Well, probably not, but it's nice to dream.
Lungs: Idrissa Gueye
There are probably nobler uses of time travel, but I'd love to see how an Everton fan in 2016 would react to hearing that their new signing would dominate a Champions League match against Real Madrid three years down the line.
I wouldn't have the heart to tell them that this would be in PSG colours, but he had a decent track record well in advance of joining Les Parisiens, quickly establishing himself as one of the Premier League's most tireless midfielders after leaving that awful Aston Villa side.
A typically modern midfielder who could press opponents all over the pitch, Gueye has that N'Golo
Kanté habit of winning the ball back before the opposition player even realises that they have it - pretty useful!
Body: Marouane Fellaini
Fellaini's frame has frequently been used against him in his footballing career, from referees penalising the lumbering midfielder for clumsiness, to Manchester United fans unkindly referring to him as a 'big tree'.
Far from being a 'tree', the big Belgian was instead a pillar of strength for many years in Merseyside, and his directness and physical presence has always been one of the most difficult propositions for any Premier League defender.
At times it seemed as though Fellaini would be truly special as he combined his formidable aerial ability with his smoothness in advanced positions, and he certainly wouldn't be the first player to have moved to last decade's United side just to have his attacking gifts ruined by dour coaching.
Left Foot: Leighton Baines
If Ashley Cole had never gone into football (not that this would've been particularly useful for England), you have to wonder if Baines would be more than just the quiet cult hero he currently is.
The man with the most assists as a defender in Premier League history was lethal whenever he wrapped his foot around the ball, capable of delivering a low, curling ground cross, an accurate set piece or a sensational deep delivery.
With Fellaini and Cahill constantly a worry for defenders from Baines' delivery, Everton can certainly boast one of the finest mixers in late 2000s football.
Right Foot: Wayne Rooney
We could have borrowed Rooney's brains, eyes or even his lungs, but Everton's favourite son will have to spare us one of football's most blessed right pegs instead.
How many moments of sheer madness have we seen from one of the strongest stronger feet around? At Everton alone there's that goal against Arsenal and that goal against West Ham, not to mention the many other times he blasted the ball into the roof of the net in front of the
Gwladys Street End.
It's pretty simple - if Rooney is in space, his right foot is powerful enough to completely overpower the goalie. If Roo is struggling for room at the near post, his right foot is silky enough to place the ball in the opposite corner.
As a goalkeeper, you've really got to wonder what that leaves you with.
Legs: Andrei Kanchelskis
Yeah it would have been more sensible to stick known speedster Theo Walcott here, but let's be honest he is yet to pull up any trees up north.
Instead, we'll give our footballer the wheels of a man who had a brief but scintillating spell with the Toffees, and whose running in behind was one of the most terrifying sights for any Premier League defender of the 1990s.
One thing's for sure, if they ever find a guy with the speed of the former scourge of Liverpool and Marouane Fellaini's frame, he's going straight to the top.
Source : 90min